Oh my! What a lovely yard you have...

The lawn flamingos are thriving in my front yard. Right now there are four pink plastic beauties out there and I'm going to slowly add to the flock until I run out of room or my neighbors become so disgusted with the tackiness of it all that they birdnap them. So I've been hunting around the internet for the original Don Featherstones. The ONLY flamingos in my yard are Featherstones. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just look up "Don Featherstone Flamingo" and you can read all about them. I do realize how insane it sounds to be a flamingo elitist, but really.. who wants inferior plastic birds? If you're aiming for suburban splendor, you have to go with the original.

So anyway, I found a bunch of great links:

www.uptownflamingo.com
This site has a ton of great flamingo themed products. The odd thing, though, is that they don't sell the Don Featherstone Flamingos. They only carry cheap-o knock-offs. I'll overlook this fact because the other flamingo stuff that they carry is so great. This site is really worth a look if you're looking for things like flamingo tablecloths or nightlights.

www.thepinkflamingo.com
they carry a less varied inventory of flamingo related knick-knacks than uptownflamingo.com, BUT they carry Don Featherstone flamingos and also Don Featherstone Snowmingos! A Snowmingo is a white lawn flamingo, which is perfect for yards in the winter months. They are made from the same plastic mold as their pink cousins, so they have the Featherstone butt signature just like the pinky originals. I'm going to swap out the pinks in my yard for snowmingos on the first snowfall this year and then swap 'em back in the spring. The photo below is a good comparison between the two plastic species...


www.flaminomania.com
assorted flamingo themed goodies for purchase, and they carry Don Featherstones in the classic pink and snowmingo varieties.

www.getflocked.com
the flamingos on this site are a bit expensive... it's much easier to find them cheaper elsewhere. It's worth a mention though, because they sell spare flamingo legs which can come in quite handy, if you accidently bend or lose one.

www.mileskimball.com
this site is a treasure chest full of suburban tackiness. In addition to lawn flamingos, this site sells kitchen decor, barbeque trinkets, tablecloths and things like toilet paper cozies. I love this site. Below is a small sample of the great crap you can find at mileskimball.com...

How plastically cute!

And what about these....

...fantastic!

Hmmm...now, I'm more of a flamingo gal than a fan of lawn geese, but I think I may make an exception and find a place in my yard for these...

These geese combine two of my favorite things... midcentury rock 'n roll and tacky plastic lawn ornaments.

If I could only find tiny bowling shirts for my lawn flamingos, my life would be complete.

I am a sissy.

When I first graduated from college I moved into a very tiny apartment in Boston.

The apartment was directly above the boiler room for the entire apartment building. This caused the shoebox I was renting to remain VERY warm year round. The apartment was so warm that there wasn't a radiator in the unit.The heat from the boiler below was enough, even in January. In fact, I had to run the air conditioner 24 hours a day, for the entire time I lived there. This jacked up my electric bill substaintially. The landlord agreed to pay a portion of the electric bill each month after I made him sit in the apartment for 10 minutes without the air conditioner running. It was that warm.

The warmth of the apartment made it the perfect playground for mice. Apparently they LOVE really warm small apartments. The apartment became overrun with these rodents. It was horrifying. Normally mice will scurry away from people and generally only come out during the night. These mice were lounging around, with no regard for my presence. I would see them running around on my countertops and sitting around on the stovetop. Gross. It was so bad that I moved before my lease ran out. Since then I have been really terrified of mice. I hate them. I've trained Dolemite to be a stealth assasin, in case one of those little bastards gets into my house.

So.... last week my friend Myk, his girlfriend Allison and I took a small car trip. Halfway there Myk said: "Beck, a mouse!" and threw something at me which stuck to my arm. I began screaming and flailing my arms around, trying to get the thing off my arm. Tears were streaming down my face as I jumped around in the passenger seat, yelping and flailing.

It turned out to be one of those little sticky toys you can get for a quarter in machines outside of grocery stores.

There is no denying the genius of this...

I'm almost positive that I will marry anyone who will make this for me on a weekly basis:

A Meatloaf Cake!

I'm assuming you had a knee-jerk reaction that was something along the lines of "eeeew" or "that's disgusting."
But think about it.. it's simply a meatloaf in a different form than what you are used to. This is a classier meatloaf. A formal meatloaf. The sort of meatloaf that you could take along to a housewarming party *ahem... cough, cough*


Several things about this are fantastic....

The "frosting" is mashed potatoes, which goes well with a meatloaf. Also, you could tint the mashed potatoes with food coloring for a more colorful, festive cake.

It seems sort of easy to make. Even if the construction comes out lopsided or wonky, it's still going to taste good.

Food is funny when it's disguised as other food.

Meatloaf is delicious.


To read more about it, visit here: http://www.blackwidowbakery.com/demo/meatcake/
(this is also where the image I used came from)

hmm, and I understand that Martha Stewart made a meatloaf cake prior to this one, but who cares? This one has more charm, and a better story behind it.

This thing is a work of genius.

Mister Magoo

My neighbors kitty-corner to my house have a Parrot. It sits on a perch in their screened in porch. I've been looking at this bird for weeks and commenting on how well behaved it is. All day the bird sits quietly on it's perch, never squaking or trying to fly out of the porch. I've been pointing this out to friends when they visit.

Last night I got a better look at it and realized... the parrot is fake. It's one of those fake stuffed birds that you see at tropical themed restaurants and bars in tourist locations.

Perhaps I should wear my glasses more often.

Finally.

Whew!

I've finally moved into the house. I'm currently unpacking. I'm amazing at how I crammed all this stuff into my tiny apartment now that I see it spread out throughout an entire house.

And, more importantly, Dolemite moved in too. He was freaked out at first and hid under a bed for 5 or 6 hours, then slowly emerged and crept around the edges of every room in the house. He's fine now and is back to his old, destructive self... He already managed to knock a chair into a door, thus cracking the wooden slates of said door. That cat is so lucky he's adorable.

To make it official, this weekend the pink lawn flamingos will be unpacked and will take up residence on the front lawn.

I can't believe what I've done.

Today I did something that I promised myself I would never do: I bought boxes.

I. bought. boxes.

Now, I buy a lot of boxes for shipping out Bag Lunch orders. That is not what I'm referring to. I'm talking about purchasing boxes for the sole purpose of carting one's own stuff from one place to another.

I have moved several times over the years and have never once bought moving boxes. I find it to be a stupid notion: purchasing moving boxes. Moving boxes aren't purchased. They are aquired. You find emtpy boxes around your home. Or friends give you empty appliance boxes that they haven't gotten around to tossing out yet. They are never bought.

Moving boxes should have things like "Maytag" and "Fridgedaire" emblazoned on the side in slightly worn off ink. Moving boxes should have to be reinforced with lots of packing tape, because they are old and have been used before.

My moving boxes say "Staples Large" on the side and need no reinforcement.

I am so ashamed.

The Day is Drawing Near

I am officially moving into Suburbia on July 30th. It's official because I've rented a big ol' truck for that day and the deposit is non-refundable.

I've got flooring tiles that aren't going to be delivered until thursday, and I'll be installing them on Saturday. This is cutting it close, but there's nothing I can do about it. It'll be nice to finally move into the house, as I've been spending countless hours working on things in it over the last 2 months.

My cat will be moving in on August 1st. I want things to be sort of settled and unpacked a bit before he moves in, that way he'll recognize things around the new place and possibly feel a bit at home right away. The last time I moved apartments he freaked out and hid under bed covers for 3 days. I had to bring food and water to him, for fear that he would starve to death under my bedspread. I want to make this move as less stressful for him as possible.

And yes, I realize that the last paragraph makes me sound like a loony cat lady.

Some unrelated rambling...

So, I'm feeling better...not great, but better. I'm taking it easy this week, because I've set a move in date for July 30th, and I want to be fully recovered by then. Moving House is the bane of my existence as it is, and I can only imagine how awful moving will be if I still feel under the weather.

I've been taking a car-load of junk to my house everyday, so that by July 30th, I'll only be moving furniture.
This is the plan anyway... It's amazing how much stuff I've accumulated over the years. I have a problem where I like to collect things. Things like interesting packaging, amusing images clipped from magazines, clothing that doesn't even fit anymore....
I'm hoping there is some sort of support group somewhere for pack-rats.

And now for something different...

The Genius behind www.needled.com has a great article posted on www.bmezine.com. You can read the article by visiting here... http://www.bmezine.com/news/edit/A60719/artwhati.html

In addition to being really well-written and amusing, I also find the article to be really accurate in the experiences it documents. Although I've noticed that I get less mouth-agape stares from people gawking at my artwork in recent years than I have, say five years ago, I still encounter similar situations to those mentioned in the article.

Uh, I'm rambling, but cut me some slack..
I'm under the weather.

That "Apple a day..." thing? It's a lie.

Bleh.

I am WAY behind on my "To Do" list for house-related things. I was hoping to be finished with all the painting by now, but I'm not. This is delaying everything. I can't actually move in until the kitchen floor is installed... and I can't install the kitchen floor until I finish painting.

And this is because I am sick. Really sick. This morning I coughed so hard that I threw up. IN MY HAND.
Everyday I wake up thinking.. "yeah.. I'm cured." Then I hack something up and that thought flies right out the window, along with some phlegm.

I can't really do much except for sit around overanalyzing symptoms. I hate that I can't do something because of some sickness-induced limitation. And I've been told not to do anything for fear of a relapse. This scares me. I don't want to relapse and be sick for twice as long. I feel lazy for just lying around, yet scared to over-exert myself and relapse.

And now for a purely infantile, childish complaint... My parents are in Bermuda, so I can't even call them to whine about how crappy I feel. Nothing helps recovery quite like calling your Mother and whining for hours about being ill. Because they have to listen. Because they are related to you and have to provide sympathy, whether genuine or not.

The other scary thing is that my cat has been sleeping next to me at night. He hardly does this during the Summer.
I'm pretty sure the only reason he's doing this is so that if I perish during the night, he'll be right there to immediatly start gnawing my face off.

He's that sort of feline.

cough cough.

Yep..Did that myself. That too. And that.

So, I'm doing all the stuff to my house myself, with help from family. Whenever this comes up in conversation, I always hear, "It must feel so satisfying to know that you're doing all of it yourself. Just think, when you're all done, you can look around your house and know that you acomplished all that yourself. It's going to be so satisfying and gratifying for you."

At the beginning of this house-rehab, I agreed with these people. It is sort of neat to be able to say, "Yeah, I painted that. Yeah, I ripped that paneling down. Yeah, that's when I sprained my wrist, installing that blah blah blah..."

Now I think it's crap. People say that crap to you to make you feel okay about not being able to afford contractors.

I now know why people hire people to do things. Because taking on this much is insane. I'm tired all the time and I keep finding paint in my hair. Wah. When is the last time you heard of some wealthy person throwing their back out painting a ceiling? Yeah, never.. Because they pay people to do these sorts of things.

Granted, my Father is taking on a lot of the work requiring actual knowledge of house construction, but I'm still doing a lot of the painting and sanding and non-potentially damaging to the structure type things.

It's all worth it, because I'm going to feel very satisfied when I'm done.

Apparently.

Drip

This weekend I hope to get a majority of what's left to do, finished.

On the "To Do" list for Saturday...

Paint a second coat of white on the kitchen walls and trim

Paint the color brick pattern on the brick wall in the kitchen (turquoise and black)

Paint the weird ceiling drop thing in the kitchen (turquoise)

Second coat of paint on the bottom trim in the bedroom (satisfyingly bright pink)

Paint the arms of the ceiling fan in the kitchen (turquoise)

Eat something (hey, all this painting is going to make me hungry)

Move some of my stuff into the newly floored office
(My parents installed a new floor in my office while I was at work..I love them)

Hopefully I can get all this done.

What the paint?

I'm painted all the walls in my house with high gloss paint. Everytime I mention this, someone says, "Oh dear, No.. You aren't supposed to do that. High-gloss is only for trim. Semi-gloss is for walls. Why would you do that?"

Other select responses to my apparent paint blunder:

"High-gloss on walls? That's interesting." (with "interesting" said in a tone of slight horror.)

"You'll need two coats on everything. Why are you using high-gloss, anyway?"

'Are you crazy?"

I don't understand what the big deal is. Who made these paint rules? Who cares that I'll need two coats? I'd probably need to apply two coats anyway, the colors I'm using are so bright.

Throughout my entire life I've been told I don't quite follow the crowd.
Apparently, this also applies to my choice in paint.

Doesn't matter... I'll be living happily in my double-coated, shiny house.

Someone Left the Cake Out In the Rain

This pan....


...makes these cupcakes.

(The above images are from the Williams-Sonoma website, where the pan is available for sale. To Purchase, for a house warming gift or something hint hint, visit www.williams-sonoma.com)

I've not really done a lot of baking in my life thus far, but that is going to change. Now that I'm the owner of a fairly good sized kitchen with ample counter space, I have no reason not to whip up a batch of novelty cupcakes. Or a bundt cake. I like the word "bundt," and if I bake one of 'em, I'll be able to say that word a bunch of times.

I've made a lot of excuses in the past as to why I don't utilize the kitchen, including, but not limited to....
"Apartment kitchens are too small to do any real cooking or baking in."
"I live with a chef... why would I step foot in his territory?"
"I haven't got any good pans."
"I have no cookbooks."
"Grocery store too far.... must continue to sit on couch."

Once I'm settled into my Suburban Wonderland (notice the call-back to the name of this blog... nice touch, eh?) none of these excuses will apply to me anymore.

And...
I will do some baking.
Frost my words.

The House BC (Before Construction)

Here are some pictures from before I did any sort of anything to the property.



The two areas sandwiching my front door now have gardens sprouting there, thanks to my Mother, who I might add planted them in the rain. She assures me that all the plants she put there are low maintenance, which is a good thing, because I always end up unintentionally killing anything green that is under my care. Luckily, Dolemite the Cat is a nice soft grey color.

Note the dark brown foundation. This will soon be "lawn flamingo pink" if it ever stops raining long enough to paint outside. This will match the small flock of plastic flamingos that will be residing in the front gardens, once I'm living there full time. Right now I'm only staying there on the weekends while I'm working on things.

"2Clever"

The other day I bought a small oscillating table fan to bring from room to room as I paint. I just needed a cheap-o one so I bought one made by a company called "2Cool."

You can tell that a product is high quality when a word is replaced by a numeral in the brand logo.

Especially when that logo has tiny icicles dripping off it, to further convey the arctic theme.

A House of a Different Color

I painted my living room this weekend. (Actually, my father and sister painted it, I was in another room painting something else, but anyway)

I chose a bright spring green, to match the fabric of my ottoman that will soon be residing there. The ottoman fabric is a 1950's barkcloth atomic pattern, with sections of it in the same bright spring green. Now this paint is bright. Very bright. I happen to love it, although other people that have seen it have rather interesting things to say about it.

Below is a list of some comments made regarding my new living room walls:

"I'm Blind."

"Can you hand me a pair of sunglasses?"

"This color is the color of toxic waste."

"This is brighter than Sarah's car." (my sister has a blindingly yellow car)

"I'm nauseous."

"Maybe it'll look calmer when your furniture is in here."

"Wow. That's quite a color."

Now, I love the color. The room is rather small, so it really brightens up the space. Trust me. It'll all come together.
Plus, everyone that walked into the room grinned like an idiot, so i'm pretty sure the paint contains some sort of "smile-inducing" agent.

Whistle While You Work

Things I have done to the house thus far (with help, of course):

Painted Master Bedroom - I wanted a nice blushy mango pink, but ended up with something close to 100% magenta. I repainted the entire room and now have the color I wanted originally.

Removal of Wood Paneling from Living Room - Technically, my father did this...I just carried the paneling shards to my basement

Removal of Living Room Rug - The rug was so old that the rug-pad underneath disintegrated into a fine dust, which then blew all over the place and had to be swept up. I didn't have a push broom at the time, so I ended up using a small brush and dustpan. My back still hurts from crouching over.

Removel of Master Bedroom Rug - Came up rather easily, revealing a wood floor underneath that doesn't even need to be sanded down and buffed. A coat of floor wax should do the trick.

Kitchen Cabinet Rehab - Cabinets were sanded down by my Uncle, then primed and painted a base color by my Mother.

Kitchen Brick Makeover - Red brick will not do in a Turquoise, Black and White kitchen, so I primed them and then we painted them white. Later on, I'll paint a few of the bricks Turquoise and a few bricks Black.

Painted Porch - The original color of my porch was sort of Silly Putty colored...blech. So It's been painted a nice bright white.

White Kitchen - Painted the first coat of white to the kitchen walls. The walls were a soft peach color originally.

There is a lot more to do, although everyday the "To Do" list shrinks a tiny bit more.

Kid in a Candy Shop...

I recently stumbled upon J & O Fabrics and am mildly obsessed. They have such a huge selection of fabrics in general and many in prints I've yet to see anywhere else. I can see myself ordering many many times from here...so much great fabric.

I'm making cushions for some porch furniture and am currently deciding between these prints:





I can't decide!

To visit J & O fabrics and see all the great fabrics for yourself, click on the link in the "Shopping Delights" section on the left side of this page.

Howdy, Neighbor

Yesterday i went to the house to take some measurements and take in the mail and generally just walk around in the empty house because I sort of still can't believe I own property.

So anyway, as I was pulling into my driveway I noticed a giant river of what appeared to be white paint running down the length of my driveway and pooling on the sidewalk in from of my house. Being new to this whole home-owning thing, for about 30 seconds I thought, "damn, better call the landlord."

Then I remembered; Oh dear, I AM the landlord.

Upon further inspection of this giant swatch winding its way down my driveway, I came to the conclusion that it was originating from my neighbor's back yard. Since it was pooling on the sidewalk and dogs walk by with their owners quite often, I wanted to make sure that it actually was paint and not anything that would harm paws, so I went next door and rang their doorbell.

Now, I didn't want my first meeting of my new neighbor to be on these terms..
I would have preferred my first meeting to be more like "Hi, just moved in, lovely weather we're having, etc.." rather than "Hi, just moved in. By the way, what in the world is spilling down my driveway from your backyard?"

But I really wanted to know what this garbage was...

We went over and assessed the situation. Apparently, her son had painted her fence a nice bright white and left a paint tray in the backyard. Later in the day it began to rain buckets, and overfilled the paint tray, thus creating a river of watery paint that then cascaded down my driveway.

Normally this sort of thing would have made me pretty livid, but she was very apologetic and seemed genuinely sorry.

So I just sucked it up and blamed the rain. It's more important to me to have a nice friendly relationship with my new neighbor than to throw a hissy fit and demand that she get this fixed.

I can simply fix it myself.
After all, I'm my own landlord now.

Swoon!

This would look fantastic in my new pad.

*cough, cough* If anyone feels the need to shower me with housewarming gifts... this speaker system would be the way to go...*cough, cough*