What are you supposed to be?

Yesterday was Halloween. Here is a list of all the "Trick or Treaters" that came to my door...

three princesses

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Not sure which one. It was the one who wears the orange eye mask. Michalangelo I think.

ninja

kid in a full chicken suit

little kid in just regular clothes with one of those tiny fake handlebar moustaches glued to his face. It should be noted that his 3 college age brothers and his Father came to the door with candy bags as well. They weren't dressed up, but they out-numbered me so I gave them candy too. Jerks.

Three kids in regular street clothes. Looked like they would pummel me so they got candy, even though they weren't dressed up. Again, jerks.

dalmation

Some sort of fairy

little boy dressed as a lady

kid with regular clothes on, but wearing a skull mask

Some kid's mother dressed as a giant fat naked lady. Disturbing.

vampire

the killer from the "Scream" movies

two snotty high school girls that were "too cold to dress up." I gave them candy, but I hope they get cavities.

a kid in regular clothes, holding a fake head

sugar plum fairy

flapper

some sort of broken whore doll. I would never call a little kid a whore. This girl was a senior in high school, and was dressed like a whorish doll. Gross.

zorro

a medieval something

wizard of some sort

the tiniest superman I've ever seen

darth vader

This is only my second year in Suburbia, so I feel compelled to give out good candy. I don't want to be the new neighbor who is known for giving out like, "maryJanes" or Canadian mints. So I handed out big handfuls of gummy things and blow-pops.

Also, I feel like Halloween is sort of similar to when the mob shows up to your deli and makes you pay for 'protection." I feel like if I give these little jerks candy, they won't steal shit off my lawn or whatever, and won't look the other way if my house is burning down. Maybe. I don't know.