Music by Season

As spring has finally hit the eastern seaboard.... "Radiohead season" has ended and "Los Straitjacket season" has swept in.

Yardwork is for suckers, and for me.

The following is a list of the things I hope to get finished by the time spring rolls around. A lot of the things listed are yard-related. This year I would like to take more advantage of my yard. I moved into the house in August and didn't get to spend a lot of time out there before Autumn crept up, as I was busy doing a ton of "moving-in" type stuff.

1. Install an exterior door leading to the back yard.
Right now, the only access to my backyard involves going out the front door, and walking back down the entire length of my house. This is especially annoying when I'm grilling in the backyard and forget plates. It'll cause me to either decide that no one needs plates anyway, or beg someone to run up to the front of the house and through the front door, then run back. A door to the backyard will make me appear less lazy.

2. Build a deck.
I like to entertain, and having my lawn chairs sink into my weed-laden lawn kind of stinks.

3. Repaint my outdoor fridge.
I inherited a round top fridge from my grandparents, and am in the process of converting it into an outdoor cooler. I'm taking the engine out of it and de-electricing it, so it'll basically end up as a giant fridge shaped cooler that I'll fill with ice when I'm entertaining outside. The fridge is currently painted like a giant Shlitz can, and I'm going to re-do it to match my tiki bar that is almost finished. And yes, I'm aware of the danger of kids tresspassing into my yard and hiding in the fridge and suffocating themselves. I'll be drilling airholes in the back as per the law. (yeah yeah, I saw that episode of "Punky Brewster" too.)

4. Finish the outdoor Tiki Bar.
My father built it for me in the Fall, and I want it to have a shipwrecked feel, so I applied a few coats of stain and left it outside all winter uncovered so that the elements eat at it a bit. Once it gets warmer, I need to sand some rough spots and etch a pattern into the top surface. Then I'm going to wax it so that it feels like drift-wood.

Zombie Wear

Some "DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS! news:

the FINALLY BY POPULAR DEMAND department:
T-SHIRTS!!!

Officially licensed DYZB! shirts are available for sale!
100% cotton
Highest quality silkscreened white on black... NOT a crappy iron-on.
Men's sizes AND Women's babydoll Ts!
Limited quantity... order TODAY!

Go to our website and REJOICE:

http://www.dieyouzombiebastards.com/T-SHIRTS.html

Something of actual importance rather than some dumb photo of my cat...

There is some exciting Bag Lunch news posted on my other blog...
www.baglunchco.blogspot.com

hooray!

Here's what's next...

Don Ho died. Tiny Bubbles float to heaven.

It should be mentioned that he has done a lot more than belt out "Tiny Bubbles."
Check out "The Don Ho Show" which gathers two live shows onto one album, for starters. It's really good.

(I ripped off the Don Ho mug image from dvagallery.com)

The secretary.

"Here is the requested document."

Reality sets in...

soul-crushing cartoon courtesy of www.toothpastefordinner.com

What next?

First, A Bee Gee burns down Johnny Cash's house. Now, Kurt Vonnegut has died.

What the hell.

Pleased to meat you

I frequently visit a "hamburger news" website called "A Hamburger Today" (www.ahamburgertoday.com) and stumbled upon this today...


Fantastic! I wish this could be converted into a useable font.

And yes, I realize how geeky this entire post makes me appear... both because I'm admitting I read a blog dedicated almost entirely to hamburgers, and also because I'm admitting that the thought of a font resembling meat would make my day.

But really, any talk of fonts makes the speaker seem a bit nerdy, no?

False advertising...

So I found this...

...at the supermarket today and had to buy it. It's a shrinkwrapped deli-tray of fortune cookies. A stack of these trays were sitting the produce section next to some organic noodles. How weird.


The thing that bothers me about fortune cookies is that a lot of the time the "fortune" isn't a fortune at all.
For example; "You love Chinese food." That isn't a fortune! It's a fact. Not a fortune.
Also: "You have tasted the bitterness as well as the sweetness of coffee." Again, not a fortune... just some words of wisdom.

This is a fortune; "You will make some changes before winning." See, a fortune.. it's telling me something that may (or probably not, I'm not a winner) happen to me IN THE FUTURE.

One of two things needs to happen so I can sleep better at night...

1. Recall all these non-fortune containing fortune cookies, and replace them with real fortune-containing cookies.
or
2. Rename "fortune cookies' with a more accurate name. Like "mildly helpful wisdom cookies" or something.

These things keep me up at night.

Pop Corn!

This bag is from a package of kettle corn. I love all the tiny amusing icons patterned on the bag. The box that housed this gem was fashioned and shaped to look like those old timey, striped popcorn boxes that you'd typically get at carnivals. The whole thing is great, actually. The popcorn is good too, which is odd for me to say because I'm not a big popcorn fan to begin with.

the website for this great stuff is: www.lesserevil.com
and if you do visit the site, you'll notice that the background of the webpages is the pattern from the inner bag, which makes me giddy.

I will gladly pay you Tuesday...

...for a hamburger today.

A conversation with a door to door salesman.

Them: Hi, we're from xxx Doors and Window and what we're doing is going door to door offering a free window evaluation with a 16 point laser *something* that will tell you where you're losing heat and also detect mold. Are you the homeowner?

Me: Yep.

Them: I love the color. Very different.

Me: Thank-you.

Them: Are you the sole-homeowner?

Me: Yes.

Them: No one else owns this? Just you?

Me: YES.

Them: ok. We'd like to sign you up for an evaluation tomorrow...

Me: No thanks.

Them: It's really a very informative appointment.

Me: As you can see, I have windows.. and I'm happy with them.

Them: You don't have to buy anything, and we give you a $25.00 dollor shell card, just for letting us evaluate your windows.

Me: I'm telling you right now that I won't buy your windows. I don't want to waste some window evaluator's time.

Them: ok. ok. again, nice color.

The salesmen both shuffle down my front steps in their little matching polo shirts.

I'm going on vacation, next year.

I booked my room at the Gold Coast for Viva Las Vegas 2008. Yep, two thousand and eight.

I originally wanted to go to VLV 2007, but two things happened that prevented me from going... one: I bought a house and two: now I'm poor from all the renovations I've been doing. Also, the rooms at the Gold Coast book up a year in advance, so I would have had to get a room for VLV 2007 in 2006.

Gah. Even though it's more than a year from now, I'm beyond excited. It'll be nice to go on a vacation that is purely a vacation.
I don't even know who is coming along with me, but I've got a year to figure all that out.

I've got to start saving so I can actually afford this trip...luckily it IS a year away!

And on the sixth day, there was light...

Up until last Saturday, the ugliest ceiling light fixture in the entire world resided in my hallway. It wasn't even ugly in the way that makes it sort of neat, like those big-eyed paintings you can occasionally find at yard sales. It was ugly in the way that old dish sponges are ugly: gross and old, but useful so it gets to hang around. The lighting disaster was wrought iron with triangular crystals dripping off its cold, curly arms. *shiver*

The horrific thing was left by the previous house-owners and I had so much other stuff on my "house to-do list" that I never got around to replacing it until this week.

I ended up buying a cheap reverse lampshade and covering it in cocktail umbrellas. I got the idea from an online crafty tutorial. The shade casts a rather nice rosy glow in my hallway when the light is on...

He's lucky he's so damn cute....